Here is your personal review for your round 1 submission! Remember that the score might be a little lower than I would normally give, I'm being a tad harsher than I'd normally be for the NGADM.
The Good:
-Okay, your composition is wonderful, and you have an obvious talent for that.
-I love the organ and the carefully crafted background behind it, it truly does fit the atmosphere for your 'story'.
-The flute and pizzicato sound wonderful.
The Not-So-Good: "I bet they'll say "Percussion! Reverb!" =P"
-Well, since you apparently want it... Percussion! Reverb! :D Honestly though, you're half right about that. I'll go for the percussion first - There's really a lack of it in the song. While it's not REALLY needed, it definitely would have been nice to have more. The snare I hear starting at 0:38 would have been wonderful if it had been brought out with a few more rolls and flourishes, and a big bass drum thumping away would have been nice too, though alternatively you could have had a kick sounding more like a heartbeat to increase tension.
-Now, "Reverb!" No, just kidding. The reverb is actually fine IMO. However, instead, I'm poking at the other EXTREMELY problematic thing - the mixing. Your composition on this is awesome, but I can't hear it! D: Honestly, I have to REALLY strain to hear anything. Remember, many instruments together will have clashing frequencies. Try using a spectrometer and a parametric EQ to lower the frequencies that are loudest in all of them. The spectrometer can help with finding these frequencies. Also, you can use a compressor to take out really high annoying frequencies, though for orchestral music DON'T USE MAKE-UP GAIN.
Overall: I don't have much to say about this, actually (even though I typed a ridiculous amount there). There are only two problems I can really comment about, though if the mixing were fixed I'd undoubtedly have more. Unfortunately, the extremely poor mixing kills the great composition, and so I'm going to have to give this a 4/10.